Nervous System Awareness and Life Coaching
Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do in certain situations, even when you know better? Why you can’t let yourself rest, or why you feel drained despite a lot of rest? Why a lot of the changes you try to implement only work for a while before you slip back into old habits?
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us overanalyze our thoughts and feelings, hoping that understanding them will lead to change. But often, we get stuck in the thinking process, without making progress in real life. One of the key ways to create lasting change is by understanding your nervous system. By becoming more aware of it, and with practice, you can shift your reactions, build resilience to stress, and find more calm and clarity in your life.
Our Nervous System
Your nervous system is the foundation of your emotional and physical experiences. It’s constantly scanning your environment for signs of safety or danger and influencing how you respond. Imagine how our caveman ancestors would have reacted to a rustling in the bushes—before they even had a chance to think about the sound’s origins and an appropriate reaction, their bodies were already preparing for fight or flight.
Even today, your nervous system operates in a similar way. But it doesn’t just react to external stimuli; it’s also shaped by your past experiences. For example, if you were once bitten by a dog, your nervous system may now react with anxiety when you see a dog in the street—even if it’s a friendly one. On the other hand, if dogs bring back comforting memories of childhood, encountering one is more likely to send your nervous system into a state of calmness, safety and connection.
Understanding these patterns is key. By learning about your nervous system, you can become aware of your responses, rather than being ruled by them. This gives you more flexibility and freedom in your responses, as well as the ability to create new possibilities for change.
The Nervous System and Coaching
Your nervous system has different “states”—from calm and connected, to fight-or-flight, and even to collapse and shutdown. When your nervous system is in a calm state (often called “safety and connection”), you feel centered, present, open, and creative. This is the ideal state for making thoughtful decisions and planning aligned next steps.
But life doesn’t always allow for this. Stress, overwhelm, and constant busyness can push your nervous system into a state of anxiety, hypervigilance, or even complete shutdown. You may find yourself feeling stuck, drained, or unable to take action, no matter how badly you want to move forward.
So why is this important for coaching? The goal isn’t to be calm all the time—life happens and there will always be stressors! But by building resilience and flexibility within your nervous system, you’ll be able to stay grounded, even when challenges arise, or at least return to a grounded state faster. Imagine spilling your coffee in the morning and staying relatively calm while cleaning up the mess, or missing a train without letting it ruin your entire day. The more time you can spend in the state of connection and safety, or around its edges, and the faster and more often you can return to(wards) it, the more you’ll be able to make decisions and plan your goals from a sense of presence, curiosity and possibility, rather than from a place of urgency and anxiety.
How to Start Getting to Know Your Nervous System
Now, how do you get started? The first step is to notice how your body reacts to the world around you. I invite you to get curious and to pay attention to the moments when you feel stressed, anxious, or disconnected. For example:
Does a certain tone of voice from your boss make you want to hide?
Does the smell of a familiar food bring back comforting memories?
Do you feel agitated after scrolling through social media? Did a certain post leave you feeling inspired?
When does a hug feel good? When does it not? Does it vary from person to person or does it depend on your current mood?
By noticing these reactions, you can start connecting the dots between your environment and how your nervous system responds. This awareness is the first step to creating a shift in your patterns.
Mini Exercise
Before diving deeper into nervous system work, the first step is awareness. So let’s try something right now:
Pause for a moment. Notice how your body feels right now—your posture, the pace of your breath, any places of the body where you feel tense, any places where you feel relaxed.
Think about a mild stressor. This should be a small everyday experience that does not affect your sense of safety or have. a big impact on your life. It could be an unread email, a recent conversation, or something on your to-do list. Just bring it to mind gently, without diving too deep.
Observe the shift. Did your breath change? Did your shoulders tense up? Did you feel more alert or restless? Are any images or sounds coming to mind? What thoughts and feelings are coming up? Stay with these responses and get curious. What else do you notice?
Orient to safety. Come back to something calming. Maybe you have an animal that you can pet, can take a sip of water or shift your gaze towards a plant you love. Maybe you can think of a memory—of your favorite place, a person you trust, or a moment when you felt at ease. Again, notice what happens in your body. Do you feel your shoulders drop? Does your breath slow?
This simple check-in is a tool to get familiar with your nervous system: learning to notice when you’re moving into stress and when you’re moving into ease.
The goal is to build self-compassion and to facilitate the return to a state of safety and connection as often as possible.
Holistic Life Coaching and Nervous System Awareness
Life coaching isn’t just about planning goals—it’s about aligning the mind and body to work together. When we take into account not only your thoughts but also your nervous system’s state, we create a holistic approach to coaching. This allows you to plan and act from a place of possibility, rather than from urgency or anxiety.
By integrating nervous system awareness into coaching, you’ll be better equipped to:
Stay grounded and connected to yourself in challenging situations
Take aligned action that reflects your values
Build long-term resilience without feeling overwhelmed
Know that nervous system awareness is not a one-time task—it’s an ongoing practice. Just like you wouldn’t expect one workout at the gym to alter your physique, building nervous system resilience takes time and consistent practice too. I encourage you to keep practicing!
